My Walk by Grace

So I had a person.. sit me down and tell me I don't look happy, I need to grow up, stop joking with everyone and basically stop being me.. I was shocked. I thought I was happy. Happier than I've ever been. Then I had someone look at me in shock when they heard someone else tell me to apply for a position that would be a promotion. This person has told me previously that I shouldn't apply because I would not get it. I have been trusting these people and basing my worth on them.. and it started eating at me. Last night, I went to gym and I was almost in tears. Feeling ugly, stupid, alone and fat. My trainer sat me done and said, "F*** them." They are not the measure of any standard. That stuck with me. Who are these people that I let speak into my spirit. Did they substantiate their words with scripture? Did God speak what they said into my soul? No. I am CHOSEN, LOVED, CALLED and EQUIPPED. I am a servant of God. Where He calls me, I will go. I don't c...

So I dedicated this year to my walk with God. I want to read my Bible cover to cover, contribute financially consistently and just generally grow with God. No distractions, no partying, no dating. Just trying my best to live righteously and be who God wants me to be. So its Feb 12, and I got distracted sooooo badly. I was even angry at God. There's this person who just makes my soul smile and its become such an awkward painful relationship. He just ignores me. And I was mad at God for let me get into this situation. I messaged my friend, to complain, and whine, and just be a potato.. and she was so calm. She hit me with something profound. There's 3 ways out of a crush: 1. You pray for your feelings to be removed, and God takes them away; 2. You pray for God to reveal what he wants to you to do and it will be revealed; and 3. You just pine and pine and pine. So I looooove to just wallow in some good pining. Then I get frustrated that nothing is happening and I pray f...

Recently I felt this song spoken into my heart. I have been a christian my entire life.. and it becomes very easy to forget or glaze over the sacrifice the Christ made... and the love of God to rescue us from our sin by sending His Son. I love this song because it speaks about soo much. So here's what hits me: How deep the Father's love for us How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure That God could love ME so greatly. I am so not worth it, a sinner, selfish and humanly flawed. That He looked down on me in mercy, even though I don't deserve that love because He knows every sin I will ever commit. And He still chose to save me. Not just save me, but send Jesus, a part of Him, His son that He loved so dearly, to suffer in my place. I look at my daughter and I think about how God must have felt knowing the pain Jesus would go through, loving Him so much but still releasing Him to do His will. How great the pain of seari...

Wow.. so I really forgot this blog... and was quite surprised.. I was so naive.. and I had no idea what I was doing.. Life has changed dramatically. I got divorced. For the 1st time in a million years I'm alone. There have been hard lessons and relationships that have exploded and maybe taught me lessons I didn't want to learn. I got into a relationship straight after my husband and I separated. And it almost tore me apart. But God was there. He waited and watched over me. I had no business being in this relationship. I was so wrong. But I was so desperate to not be alone and wouldn't see the lies around me. I was at gym once and they were playing Fray - How to save a life. And there was this part.. "pray to God, He hears you." And I literally laughed and said Haha God, you're funny. Next time I'm rushing to gym... driving 160 on the freeway.. and the truck in front of me starts spinning. I'm surrounded by cars.. all speeding.. I thought we were ...

I have led a sheltered life... Grew up socially stumped... My parents, to no fault of their own, were the product of a very conservative culture which led them to believe girls should stay at home.. cook and clean and hopefully one day meet a nice man who will take care of you for the rest of your life... my dad once told me the only time I would move out was when I died or got married... I was angry growing up.. and depressed in my teens.. always a outsider.. never knowing how to react to other people... generally alone.. I was never wanting for anything though... we were never rich.. but my dad made sure we never wanted for anything.. I guess thats why I had this weird idea of what gratitude was. I defined it based on how I felt giving to others. I looove to give. Random strangers, family, friends... I might be completely broke but if an opportunity came to bless someone I took it without regret. I love buying all the petrol attendants at garage coffee on a cold winte...

Wow.. I cant believe I'm blogging again. What can I say. New year. New Inspiration. Was reading my previous blogs.. LOL. I was soooo dramatic... Its been a few years and I really have grown up a bit. I realise now the world isnt this warm fuzzy place... but that doesnt stop me from doing my bit.. touching the lives I get in contact with... I've moved jobs alot :D Maybe thats forced me to grow up.. Its not easy being the new kid... starting from scratch.. But its been amazing! I've learned sooooo much and met so many people.. the good, the bad and the ugly.. No regrets.. Anyway prepare for some nice stories... I'm thinking of using this blog to discuss interesting incidents I've experienced... Stay tuned :) Not sure where this is going to go..

How I love the midnite blogs with a nice glass of red.... Ode to the Great One.. on this Easter.. I feel so far like I have gone astray... Yet Your love still surronds me.. I feel so ungrateful and complain, Yet You continue to bless me beyond my comprehension... I continue to rebel and seek ways to be wrong, Yet I still feel Your watchful eye on me.. always making sure I'm okay... What must I do for You to turn away. I sometimes wonder if You ever would. I sometimes fear a life without You. I always wonder what You are thinking. Do You think I'm a spoilt brat? Do You laugh at how silly I am sometimes? Do I disappoint You with my choices and behaviour? I know I stray and misbehave, but my heart seems to never change. Your love seems to follow me. Even if I want to be cruel, I find my hand is stayed, and my only reaction is Yours. So to the Eye who always watches, the Heart that wont stop loving, and the Hands that don't stop protecting.. my gratefu...