My Walk by Grace

Its only the second week in Feb and I've had 3 funerals... I think when you are touched by death, you look at your life with a fresh perspective... Am I who I want to be... Am I doing what I was meant to... If I die tomorrow, what will I have to say for my life... I've been distracting myself for the past three years with things that I thought would make me happy... I have an awesome career thats going well and getting better and achievements that are really awesome...yeah.. awesome to everyone else... they feel hollow and pointless to me. I dont think my heart is in what I do... How can I be soooo good at something that doesnt make me happy in the least... I'm scared to take the road less travelled, to give up a comfortable life and to put myself out there... but I feel like I will never be truly happy until I do... often in life the decisions that are the hardest and hurt the most are the ones you are forced to make sooner or later... they follow you around everyday and a...

I recently went through a rough time.. I feel in my heart that I have been truly blessed by God and have had sooo many fruitful seasons... it is however, this season of heartache and pain that He has blessed me on a level far greater and has held my hand and comforted me. This song is so beautiful.. the more I listen to it.. the more I know I'm not alone... Hillsongs - Never Let Me Go In the shadows; My spirit weak Love broke through the darkness and lifted me And I know you'll never let me go In the storm in the raging sea Love conquered the fear and delivered me And I know you'll never let me go Oh love in the shadows Be the light who leads me on You're love I will follow Be my guide, You're will be done Oh Lord In the arms of the One unseen Love carried the cross that was meant for me And I know you'll never let me go Oh love in the shadows Be the light who leads me on You're love I will follow Be my guide, You're will be done Oh Lord I surrender, now...

My last post was in May so I think its time to say something so people dont think I'm dead... I recently had something stolen from me... something that meant a lot... I'm not sure what mad me more angry the fact that it was taken by someone I trusted or the fact that I was treated like one who was wrong... And this was a theft... imagine if it was rape... I'm feeling despondent at the course of events... the fact that the bad guy got away... and I'm feeling lost again... I think this is my annual I hate what I do season.... and I hate what I do. I feel like I could be doing more for the world but I'm just too scared to get involved. This is a world were aid workers are kidnapped and tortured... I'm being chicken... i dont know where I'm going with the blog and I'm sorry if I've wasted your time as you read this...

My word... when did people get soo stupid? And no this is not silly or a blonde moment. This is utterly dense, stare-at-me-with-blank-looks stupid. You know what? I actually think people play stupid so someone will get irritated and offer to do their work for them... I've seen it happen and NO! I will not do your work for you while you take a 5 hour coffee break. I dont get it. I'm an IT auditor but honestly my work is not mind bending stuff. I spend alot of my time surfing the web and being bored. So when I have work to do, I know its a foreign concept but I actually do it. And yes, sometimes I think I'm mad to stay in a job that gives me so much time to do nothing but at least I actually work... now and then... How then can people do even less and strive to do absolutely nothing, zero, zipo, zilch... And then even worse want me to hold their hand because they're too incapable of getting themselves lunch. I love my life. I do. But I think my job is going to kill ...

What is with people? I was dwelling in the warm fuzzy feelings of the New Year only to discover that while I was away alot of people I know and knew became jerks.. Why do people take themselves so seriously? I'm sure everyone has had the pleasure of knowing someone who gives them advice when not asked, complains about everything, makes reference to the many reasons why they are better than you, proclaims to be an expert in a subject they know absolutely nothing about and generally behaves like they have had something surgically put up their... Is it so horrible to say, " I dont know." I say it alot. Why make an idiot of myself talking about something I have never heard of in my life. Seriously, I'm in IT. The chances I dont know everything are pretty high :) And honestly, thats what I'm liking about 2009. Its a year of challenge. I feel like there are a million new things I'll be learning this year and yes, I am excited. So if you do wish to give me advice on ...

What is greatness? Are we born great? Do we wake up one morning and decide that we're going to be great and do great things? Did Barrack Obama always know what he was meant to be? What does that feel like? Knowing your purpose is great. Accepting the responsibility that the lives of other people will be changed by your thoughts and actions. I wonder what my purpose is... Am I meant to do something great? Sometimes I feel invisible in a crowd... but I think I do that intentionally. I don’t want to be part of the crowd. I want to just be me. My dad is a great man. His actions did not change the world. But they changed my world and the worlds of my family. He started out with nothing. Poverty in South Africa is a norm. There are millions. And then there are the millions who don’t see it. My dad lived it. He was one of 8 kids. His dad abandoned them and his mom did her best as a single mother who had nothing. When he was 8, my dad was a gardener on weekends. He used to walk 10kms to hi...

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.'