My Walk by Grace

I have led a sheltered life... Grew up socially stumped... My parents, to no fault of their own, were the product of a very conservative culture which led them to believe girls should stay at home.. cook and clean and hopefully one day meet a nice man who will take care of you for the rest of your life... my dad once told me the only time I would move out was when I died or got married... I was angry growing up.. and depressed in my teens.. always a outsider.. never knowing how to react to other people... generally alone.. I was never wanting for anything though... we were never rich.. but my dad made sure we never wanted for anything.. I guess thats why I had this weird idea of what gratitude was. I defined it based on how I felt giving to others. I looove to give. Random strangers, family, friends... I might be completely broke but if an opportunity came to bless someone I took it without regret. I love buying all the petrol attendants at garage coffee on a cold winte...

Wow.. I cant believe I'm blogging again. What can I say. New year. New Inspiration. Was reading my previous blogs.. LOL. I was soooo dramatic... Its been a few years and I really have grown up a bit. I realise now the world isnt this warm fuzzy place... but that doesnt stop me from doing my bit.. touching the lives I get in contact with... I've moved jobs alot :D Maybe thats forced me to grow up.. Its not easy being the new kid... starting from scratch.. But its been amazing! I've learned sooooo much and met so many people.. the good, the bad and the ugly.. No regrets.. Anyway prepare for some nice stories... I'm thinking of using this blog to discuss interesting incidents I've experienced... Stay tuned :) Not sure where this is going to go..

How I love the midnite blogs with a nice glass of red.... Ode to the Great One.. on this Easter.. I feel so far like I have gone astray... Yet Your love still surronds me.. I feel so ungrateful and complain, Yet You continue to bless me beyond my comprehension... I continue to rebel and seek ways to be wrong, Yet I still feel Your watchful eye on me.. always making sure I'm okay... What must I do for You to turn away. I sometimes wonder if You ever would. I sometimes fear a life without You. I always wonder what You are thinking. Do You think I'm a spoilt brat? Do You laugh at how silly I am sometimes? Do I disappoint You with my choices and behaviour? I know I stray and misbehave, but my heart seems to never change. Your love seems to follow me. Even if I want to be cruel, I find my hand is stayed, and my only reaction is Yours. So to the Eye who always watches, the Heart that wont stop loving, and the Hands that don't stop protecting.. my gratefu...

Its only the second week in Feb and I've had 3 funerals... I think when you are touched by death, you look at your life with a fresh perspective... Am I who I want to be... Am I doing what I was meant to... If I die tomorrow, what will I have to say for my life... I've been distracting myself for the past three years with things that I thought would make me happy... I have an awesome career thats going well and getting better and achievements that are really awesome...yeah.. awesome to everyone else... they feel hollow and pointless to me. I dont think my heart is in what I do... How can I be soooo good at something that doesnt make me happy in the least... I'm scared to take the road less travelled, to give up a comfortable life and to put myself out there... but I feel like I will never be truly happy until I do... often in life the decisions that are the hardest and hurt the most are the ones you are forced to make sooner or later... they follow you around everyday and a...

I recently went through a rough time.. I feel in my heart that I have been truly blessed by God and have had sooo many fruitful seasons... it is however, this season of heartache and pain that He has blessed me on a level far greater and has held my hand and comforted me. This song is so beautiful.. the more I listen to it.. the more I know I'm not alone... Hillsongs - Never Let Me Go In the shadows; My spirit weak Love broke through the darkness and lifted me And I know you'll never let me go In the storm in the raging sea Love conquered the fear and delivered me And I know you'll never let me go Oh love in the shadows Be the light who leads me on You're love I will follow Be my guide, You're will be done Oh Lord In the arms of the One unseen Love carried the cross that was meant for me And I know you'll never let me go Oh love in the shadows Be the light who leads me on You're love I will follow Be my guide, You're will be done Oh Lord I surrender, now...

My last post was in May so I think its time to say something so people dont think I'm dead... I recently had something stolen from me... something that meant a lot... I'm not sure what mad me more angry the fact that it was taken by someone I trusted or the fact that I was treated like one who was wrong... And this was a theft... imagine if it was rape... I'm feeling despondent at the course of events... the fact that the bad guy got away... and I'm feeling lost again... I think this is my annual I hate what I do season.... and I hate what I do. I feel like I could be doing more for the world but I'm just too scared to get involved. This is a world were aid workers are kidnapped and tortured... I'm being chicken... i dont know where I'm going with the blog and I'm sorry if I've wasted your time as you read this...

My word... when did people get soo stupid? And no this is not silly or a blonde moment. This is utterly dense, stare-at-me-with-blank-looks stupid. You know what? I actually think people play stupid so someone will get irritated and offer to do their work for them... I've seen it happen and NO! I will not do your work for you while you take a 5 hour coffee break. I dont get it. I'm an IT auditor but honestly my work is not mind bending stuff. I spend alot of my time surfing the web and being bored. So when I have work to do, I know its a foreign concept but I actually do it. And yes, sometimes I think I'm mad to stay in a job that gives me so much time to do nothing but at least I actually work... now and then... How then can people do even less and strive to do absolutely nothing, zero, zipo, zilch... And then even worse want me to hold their hand because they're too incapable of getting themselves lunch. I love my life. I do. But I think my job is going to kill ...