Don't create an Ishmael..
Its been such a rough few weeks. I have felt and seen God move in a way that I have never seen before.
Recently went to a government hospital, to do an outreach. I saw the heart of God. I was so moved by what we were doing and seeing how much God loves and cares for people. It will forever be one of the most life defining moments of my life.
I feel a calling on my life like never before. A calling to serve and be the hand of God. To love people and reach out to anyone and everyone who has a need. I never saw this side of me or God but it is truly so beautiful. I feel so humbled, honored and grateful to be used in this manner and I just cant picture anything else more important to pursue in my life.
But... and there's always a but... I am acutely aware that I have to pay the bills. I also have an unexplained amount of faith that I will be ok and God will provide. So now what. Well apparently, I need to be still and wait. Which is suuuuuch a struggle and I hate it. But I accept it, because I know He has plans and I submit to His will and His will alone. Always.
I am also acutely aware of how alone I am. And I pine over someone who I have yet to meet. I get mad.. and frustrated.. and feel alone.. I've been alone for over a year now.. and this hasn't always been a pleasant alone.. but I know its a necessary one.
So I went to a club.. for a friends birthday. And somehow all 3 friends found guys to dance with and there was I in the middle with no one. And I felt the tears. So I decided instead of ultimate 3rd wheeling everyone I'm going to the bathrooms to have a good cry. So there I am. Sitting between the wash sinks, tearing up.. trying to just get over it.. and this chick comes out of the cubicle looks me dead in the eye. And says at 2am in the toilet of a club, "I know it hurts right now, but God is with you." Even now I'm like did that really happen..
I went on Tinder. I match with no one. Or I match with 7 people and no one speaks to me. I visited a pastoral counselor and she revealed I have a cloak of invisibility on me, compliments of my Father. So thanks Lord.. wonderful. But yet again, I feel my heart grateful. And even this.. though it hurts, I accept.
I don't want a life built on my plan. I want the life fulfilling His plan, His destiny. I wont settle for a half-assed anything anymore. So now I will be still and wait. Stop trying to create me a Ishmael, and start waiting for my Isaac. His promises still stand. His promises are still good.
Keep the faith,
Lojic
No longer slaves, we are His children, a new creation, born again..
Recently went to a government hospital, to do an outreach. I saw the heart of God. I was so moved by what we were doing and seeing how much God loves and cares for people. It will forever be one of the most life defining moments of my life.
I feel a calling on my life like never before. A calling to serve and be the hand of God. To love people and reach out to anyone and everyone who has a need. I never saw this side of me or God but it is truly so beautiful. I feel so humbled, honored and grateful to be used in this manner and I just cant picture anything else more important to pursue in my life.
But... and there's always a but... I am acutely aware that I have to pay the bills. I also have an unexplained amount of faith that I will be ok and God will provide. So now what. Well apparently, I need to be still and wait. Which is suuuuuch a struggle and I hate it. But I accept it, because I know He has plans and I submit to His will and His will alone. Always.
I am also acutely aware of how alone I am. And I pine over someone who I have yet to meet. I get mad.. and frustrated.. and feel alone.. I've been alone for over a year now.. and this hasn't always been a pleasant alone.. but I know its a necessary one.
So I went to a club.. for a friends birthday. And somehow all 3 friends found guys to dance with and there was I in the middle with no one. And I felt the tears. So I decided instead of ultimate 3rd wheeling everyone I'm going to the bathrooms to have a good cry. So there I am. Sitting between the wash sinks, tearing up.. trying to just get over it.. and this chick comes out of the cubicle looks me dead in the eye. And says at 2am in the toilet of a club, "I know it hurts right now, but God is with you." Even now I'm like did that really happen..
I went on Tinder. I match with no one. Or I match with 7 people and no one speaks to me. I visited a pastoral counselor and she revealed I have a cloak of invisibility on me, compliments of my Father. So thanks Lord.. wonderful. But yet again, I feel my heart grateful. And even this.. though it hurts, I accept.
I don't want a life built on my plan. I want the life fulfilling His plan, His destiny. I wont settle for a half-assed anything anymore. So now I will be still and wait. Stop trying to create me a Ishmael, and start waiting for my Isaac. His promises still stand. His promises are still good.
Keep the faith,
Lojic
No longer slaves, we are His children, a new creation, born again..
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