Stuck in the alone..

I have tried... to accept this. This place You have put me in. This never ending season of still...

This isolation, the alone.

A friend said to me yesterday... anything you do in your own strength will just result in more pain and hurt. I thought I wasnt going to survive last year. And when I did I knew I would never survive another hurt like that.

And here I am. Isolated. Stuck in the alone. To be surrounded by so many people, who claim to love me. To have so much and be so grateful. But to be so beyond alone...

Is this it? Is this why I'm here. Why did You make me like this? Why are You isolating me? Where is the plan and purpose in this???

I cant even rebel again. What is this?? I want to self destruct and I cant even do that.... My God, why??? Why have you abandoned me????? Are my tears worth nothing. I need you to step into this. I cant do this alone... I dont have the heart for this.. .I feel like my soul is dying.. I need you.

I'm done. I cant anymore. You want me isolated and alone fine. I will live, breathe and embrace this alone.

You know where to find me..

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Warm fuzzy feelings aside...

My word... when did people get soo stupid? And no this is not silly or a blonde moment. This is utterly dense, stare-at-me-with-blank-looks stupid. You know what? I actually think people play stupid so someone will get irritated and offer to do their work for them... I've seen it happen and NO! I will not do your work for you while you take a 5 hour coffee break. I dont get it. I'm an IT auditor but honestly my work is not mind bending stuff. I spend alot of my time surfing the web and being bored. So when I have work to do, I know its a foreign concept but I actually do it. And yes, sometimes I think I'm mad to stay in a job that gives me so much time to do nothing but at least I actually work... now and then... How then can people do even less and strive to do absolutely nothing, zero, zipo, zilch... And then even worse want me to hold their hand because they're too incapable of getting themselves lunch. I love my life. I do. But I think my job is going to kill ...
Read more

Don't let them tell you who you are..

So I had a person.. sit me down and tell me I don't look happy, I need to grow up, stop joking with everyone and basically stop being me.. I was shocked. I thought I was happy. Happier than I've ever been. Then I had someone look at me in shock when they heard someone else tell me to apply for a position that would be a promotion. This person has told me previously that I shouldn't apply because I would not get it. I have been trusting these people and basing my worth on them.. and it started eating at me. Last night, I went to gym and I was almost in tears. Feeling ugly, stupid, alone and fat. My trainer sat me done and said, "F*** them." They are not the measure of any standard. That stuck with me. Who are these people that I let speak into my spirit. Did they substantiate their words with scripture? Did God speak what they said into my soul? No. I am CHOSEN, LOVED, CALLED and EQUIPPED. I am a servant of God. Where He calls me, I will go. I don't c...
Read more

Ode to the Great One...

How I love the midnite blogs with a nice glass of red.... Ode to the Great One.. on this Easter.. I feel so far like I have gone astray... Yet Your love still surronds me.. I feel so ungrateful and complain, Yet You continue to bless me beyond my comprehension... I continue to rebel and seek ways to be wrong, Yet I still feel Your watchful eye on me.. always making sure I'm okay... What must I do for You to turn away. I sometimes wonder if You ever would. I sometimes fear a life without You. I always wonder what You are thinking. Do You think I'm a spoilt brat? Do You laugh at how silly I am sometimes? Do I disappoint You with my choices and behaviour? I know I stray and misbehave, but my heart seems to never change. Your love seems to follow me. Even if I want to be cruel, I find my hand is stayed, and my only reaction is Yours. So to the Eye who always watches, the Heart that wont stop loving, and the Hands that don't stop protecting.. my gratefu...
Read more